I don’t have anything new to report, but I think including regular writing updates here keeps me on track, or at least makes me think about things on the regular. I just haven’t been writing much. We had a little road trip to the beach, where I expected to get some relaxation and writing time, but we invited too many people along and scheduled too many outings, or I just didn’t put the effort in (I was supposed to be relaxing!) and I didn’t write a word. It was nice to stare at the ocean awhile though.

I did work on my novel last night, and that felt good. I felt like I was wandering a bit with it though, so I need to review my notes since I haven’t stayed in good close connection with it.

The day job writing is staying on schedule, so I guess that’s going well for me, but, as always, I feel like I’m still not doing enough anyway.

I got a short story rejection and was a good litter submitter, and got it sent back out to another market the next day. It is so tempting to just scroll down the list to the token markets but I’m trying to keep the faith and sending it to all the dream markets before moving on to lower paying opportunities. Having more than one story out on submission does help my emotional stress on this front, as does having a story acceptance waiting to come out later in the year. (I will definitely be sharing that here once it goes live.)

I keep thinking I need to look at some of my older stuff to possibly revise and send out. I’m finding that I hate almost everything I finish, but that when I stumble onto it later, I think, “This isn’t so bad.” I might just be one of those writers who needs to let things set awhile before finial revisions. But thinking I need to do this, and finding the time to do it are not the same thing.

It’s funny how much about myself I keep learning, even though this is stuff I’ve done for a long, long, long time. I have always enjoyed writing since I was a kid. But sharing what I wrote is another story. Over time I’ve gotten more comfortable submitting my fiction stories. Yes, rejections suck, but unlike the horror stories I have seen online, I don’t remember ever getting a ‘mean’ rejection. I’ve gotten feedback that hurt, but it was still delivered kindly, and when the sting wore off, I could see it wasn’t wrong. It was helpful.

Just a little bit ago I wrote about my day job and how I maneuvered into getting to do some writing as part of my job. I recently turned in a couple blog posts, and the amount of anxiety I had about them caught me off-guard. I started to see how much I avoided working on them. How I actually had them done, but kept fiddling, afraid to turn them in. Why? That’s what I’ve been grappling with ever since. I write a monthly newsletter for work and I don’t feel this way about that, but that’s just for my co-workers, and is mainly for fun and teambuilding and such. It isn’t that my supervisor is tough to please, she has loved everything I’ve given her. She is kind and supportive. So what is it?

Years ago when my kids were small I a hoped to earn extra money from home, I tried some online writing gigs. I wrote for a pet insurance website for a little while and had similar problems. It paid well. They always loved what I turned in, but I eventually stopped doing it because of how awful I made myself feel. I don’t want the same to happen to me now. I want to keep this extra gig I have going. So I need to figure myself out.

The best I have come up with so far that makes this type of writing different from my fiction or my newsletter, or even this blog, is that I consider it more serious. I’m writing about pet health. That’s important to me, and hopefully, to the people I’m writing for. I do find myself wondering as I write these things, “What if Someone misunderstands what I’m saying? What if I’m giving advice for X, but their pet has Y, and they don’t seek treatment properly?” and similar issues. There is a weight of responsibility that I take on that might not be fully appropriate. Sure, there are good things to consider, but not enough to let them stop me writing altogether.

For that matter, I give advice all day to clients when I’m working, or explain how to follow the doctors treatment plan, or home care instructions. I don’t bat an eye at these important talks. But then I know the specific patient, and their specific needs. An article is more general. It can’t take in all situations of all pets. Yet I feel like I have to.

There might be more to it than this, but this is where I am after some reflection so far. I think knowing my stumbling blocks will hopefully help my anxiety. Instead, of stalling or avoiding the writing, I can decide to review what I have written to make sure it’s clear, and I’ve mentioned important exceptions to look out for. That sort of thing. Deal with the items that are worrying me. It can only help the finished piece.

Other writers, do you ever find yourself anxious about your writing? And what have you done to work it though?